Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
