His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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