Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
