the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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