I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
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