JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
