I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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