have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I queefed so loud it echoed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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