: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
