I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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