the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
