Umm I'm too high to move.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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