Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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