It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
