I want to have your abortion
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
