we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So much Jack, so little girl.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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