East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
