She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
