4 words: hood of his car
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
