yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
