His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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