I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
