He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
