I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You're like the curious george of whores
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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