you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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