who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
