You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
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