but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Your cock deserves a montage
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
