Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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