I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
