hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I need moral support for this bender
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
