you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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