My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
