i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
