I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
