did you get engaged???
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
