"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
