Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
