I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
