He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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