they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
