Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
