just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
