Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
