3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
