the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
