question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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