If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
