so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He passed out mid-signature
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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