Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
