eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
